Have you ever wondered what your favorite type of bacon says about? Well, look no further. The Baconeers have come up with a scarily accurate list that is way more telling than your horoscope could ever be.
Maple bacon
You’re Canadian. The maple flavor reminds you of Saturday mornings in your childhood home – an igloo. Don’t forget to share with your moose, eh?
Reduced sodium
We’re guessing you just got back from the CrossFit box or running a marathon and you’re reading this while blending a protein shake. You are super fit and health conscious and you know this is the best way to fit bacon into your training diet.
Uncured
Did you like bacon before it was cool? Yeah, we know. Only a true hipster would be dedicated enough to buy bacon at its purest point.
Hardwood smoked
You probably raised and cooked the pig by yourself. Most likely with your bare hands, too. The tough manly man doesn’t just eat bacon, he eats hardwood-smoked bacon off of the ax he built his house with.
Applewood smoked
If applewood smoked bacon is your go-to, you are the classic all-American bacon eater. You think of bacon as another word for freedom and you celebrate that right everyday. For that, the Baconeers salute you.
Hickory smoked
You appreciate bacon for what it is. You’re easy going and know that bacon doesn’t need any frills to be the best food on earth. That melodic sizzle takes you to your happy place: a plate piled high with delicious, hickory smoked bacon.
Organic
You spend a lot of time doing yoga and collecting reusable bags for when you buy local goats milk soap at the farmers market. It’s important to you that your bacon is fresh and natural. We’re not judging, but you’ve probably been called a health freak a few times.
Microwave ready
You’re a regular working gal. You spend most of your time on the bus, in the office, or watching Veep. Why would you waste time using the stove? It’s your bacon and you want it now.
Thick cut
You eat bacon in your Escalade wearing a fur coat and a huge gold chain. Thick cut bacon is the breakfast food of ballers. You’re basically the legend of the bacon world.
Canadian Bacon
You’re wrong. You’re just wrong. Leave.
Thick cut peppered bacon wasn’t covered.
If thick cut peppered bacon is your favorite, that means you would most likely put spinning rims on your Escalade that would double as grills for when you get that bacon craving.
While not my favorite (I’m a thick-cut, applewood-smoked Baconeer), I’m curious to know if turkey “bacon” lovers (using the term VERY loosely) are grouped in with Canadian “bacon” lovers, or if they’re a different breed of wrong.