This article is about a bacon tax that might be coming soon to your neighborhood. Don’t have time to read the article? Please click this link and take a one-minute survey to help keep bacon affordable for your friends and family.
Meet Ian. Ian has a great job, an amazing girlfriend, a decent downtown apartment, and eats all the bacon he wants (which is a lot). Then, Ian woke up today.
He knew we were shooting so he didn’t wear his bacon onesie.
7:40 a.m. It’s Ian’s girlfriend Hazel’s birthday, so he wants to make her breakfast in bed. She’s still sleeping because of course. On his list: eggs, orange juice, pancake mix, and, obviously, bacon. It’s Hazel’s absolute favorite.
When she gives you that look you know she wants one thing… bacon.
8:30 a.m. Ian’s at Trader Joe’s. There’s no bacon. He sees a sign explaining that due to a new tax on bacon, Trader Joe’s can’t provide its customary selection; it put a price squeeze on the local pork producers.
11:00 a.m. Surprisingly, Hazel doesn’t break up with Ian. They go to brunch instead. After waiting for a table at Dorsia, Ian orders a Bloody Mary and calms down. When the waiter brings his drink, he notices something odd… there’s a celery stick where his bacon should be.
11:05 a.m. Ian approaches the manager, who tells him that the new bacon tax prevents the restaurant from adding bacon to staples. “It would be a luxury now,” he says. Yup. Bacon’s only available to the rich now. The well-to-do couple in the booth over has bacon. And also a lot more money than Ian.
Hazel checking out the latest Kanye tweet.
6:05 p.m. We’ll skip the rest of the day and assume Ian’s been wandering around the streets in a daze for around seven hours. He stumbles back to his apartment. Hazel’s there, saying she’s made dinner for them. Smiling, she shows him a plate piled high with… bacon. Ian’s maybe in tears. “Relax,” she says. “I’m a Baconeer.”
What you read was a story of a fictional world that doesn’t exist. For now. You see, with government officials taxing everything these days, it’s a matter of time before they decide to raise the price of bacon because of some random thing it contains. Bacon should be for everyone, not just the people who can afford it.
If you’d like to do your part to keep bacon affordable and available for everyone, help the Baconeers by filling out this one-minute survey. And you never know… there may be some free bacon in it for you.